On the rocks alert and Man Slut warning: Kris Humphries does his Ashton Kutcher impression.

Publications: Star, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Here it is, October 20, but the magazine that hit the stand today are dated October 31. These Halloween gossip rags bring no treats for little hobbit hottie Kim Kardashian and her orc groom Kris Humphries. Earlier stories of trouble in their months old marriage were all over the place, but this week two magazines have agreed on a narrative.

Kris is a man slut and Kim is going to kick him to the curb. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Breaking News
  Kim & Kris THE END
  'He never really loved her' - shocking tell-all
  Kris leaves town alone
  She catches him with two women
  They taunt Kim with the details
  Now: a divorce lawyer
• Weekly Life & Style: Friends and family confirm
  Headed for a split!
  Has Kris cheated already?
  Kris caught with a blonde at 5 a.m.
  Kim's ring is off
  Inside their screaming fights
  The Kardashians scramble to protect their millions
  

On the rocks alert and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kim'n'Kris in crisis. And, oh yeah, Khloe hates the guy.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Both literally and figuratively, the honeymoon is over for hot hobbit Kim Kardashian and her orc husband Kris Humphries. The wedding was just this August and after a few nice stories about a honeymoon in Italy, it's been a non-stop crap storm for the mismatched pair. Here are the headlines about them.

• OK: Kim&Kris: Faking it for the cameras
• Weekly Life & Style: Exclusive interview
  'What have I done?'
  Kim realizes her marriage is a mistake and demands a break from Kris
  Tears and regret after only 53 days
  

And just to make matters worse for Humphries, currently without a paycheck due to the NBA labor crisis, his sister in law Khloe flat out dislikes him.

• Us Weekly: Sisters torn apart: Why Khloe hates Kris

I really don't understand the public's obsession with this family and I can't tell if a huge wedding plastered all over their show and the gossip rags followed by a quickie divorce will be good or bad for their reality TV empire, but my best guess is that they have peaked and the decline in interest is now inevitable.

On the rocks alert: More trouble for Kim'N'Kris.

Publications: National Enquirer, OK!, Star
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Kim'N'Kris barely had a honeymoon when it comes to coverage in the supermarket rags, and this week their new marriage is dragged through the mud by three different mags with three different takes on the source of the trouble. It should be noted that they are getting hit from all sides of the Naughty to Nice Spectrum, from the meanest rag the Enquirer to the nicest OK!, with Star thrown in for good measure.

The Enquirer's story is under a banner headline of "Dirty Divorces!", but a sub-headline of "Whose marriage can be saved - whose can't" holds out a small glimmer of hope for the Orc groom and his hot Hobbitt bride. Here are the headlines.

• Enquirer: Kris wants out - He's sick of Kim's whining and overspending
• Star: Kim betrayed!
  Hubby caught with two other women
• OK!: Kris and Kim: their nastiest fight ever
  

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Why Kris' family hates Kim!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! This is one of two stories about Kim'n'Kris this week, and while they don't completely contradict one another, they do point in different directions.

According to Weekly Life & Style, Kris Humphries' family has little love for his new bride, which means we can expect a steady stream of catty insider gossip about this year's most famous couple, reality TV division.

I hate to be the one to say I told you so, but these Orc/Hobbit mixed marriages never work.

Bun in the oven alert™: Kim's big news!

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, says Kim Kardashian is in the family way and includes her husband in the picture on the cover, just in case readers might be confused about the paternity. Here are the headlines.

• It's baby time!
• The secret she can no longer keep: Her first child is on the way!
• (showing already)
  

I have seen neither denial or confirmation of these latest rumors.

On the rocks alert: This week's Kim'N'Kris mishegas

Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Before a few weeks ago, the stories about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were mostly positive, but now, everything is going to hell in a handbasket. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Kim'n'Kris: Will the marriage be annulled?
• In Touch: Kim disses Kris' family

In Touch is the meanest of the non-AMI gossip rags, so when they get catty, it's not a big surprise. OK!, on the other hand, is the nicest if not most reliable American supermarket tabloid. If they are going after the couple, it's open season.

On the rocks alert and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kim's marriage in trouble and the family members who will rat on her.

(Photo copyright Splash 2011)
Publications: Us Weekly, Star
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The new narrative emerges strongly this week in the Kardashian Family Circus. Kim's sisters hate her new husband and are clearly happy to rat to the gossip rags about any friction they see between the newlyweds. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Kim defends her love
  Her sisters hate Kris
  Khloe & Kourtney accuse Kris of using Kim for fame.
  How her new love is dividing her family
• Star: Kardashians tell all
  Newlywed Kim miserable already
  fighting over her fortune
  Kris tells Kim: I'm tired of faking it for TV
  Family turns against him

OK! features Kim'n'Kris AND Jen and Justin on the cover in a compare and contrast.

Publication: OK!

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, combines two popular stories this week into a compare and contrast, with the real connection being that both Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston are moving into new homes. Here are the headlines.

• New homes for new babies!
  
  
• Who's homesick
• Who wants a bigger closet
• Who will have the best nursery

Of course, neither woman has yet confirmed a pregnancy, but that never stops OK!

Bells Done Rung™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: The Kim Kardashian honeymoon stories

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Now that they have actually gone down the aisle, it seems fitting that a new label be created for Kim'n'Kris. The stories about their short Italian honeymoon fill the covers of three supermarket rags this week. Here are the two of the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: (world exclusive) Honeymoon baby!
  
  Kim's spotted buying two pregnancy tests in Italy
  
  Cravings, fatigue and a growing bump
  
  she confirms to L&S "I CAN'T WAIT!"
• Us Weekly: (exclusive) Kim's honeymoon album
  
  "We want to start a family!"
  
  Kim shares her big news and personal stories from their Italian getaway
  
  All the photos!
  
  

Bells Done Rung™: The Kim Kardashian wedding stories.

Publications: People, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, OK!, Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The Only Ten Magazines That Matter treated the wedding of Kim Kardashian as a Big Damn Deal this week, with slightly less coverage than the Royal Wedding this spring, but more coverage than Chelsea Clinton last year.



Behold the power of reality TV.



Here are the headlines.

• People: Kim's wedding album
  
  The exclusive photos!
  
  only in People
  
  Gown! Guests! Glamour!
  
  Every delicious detail!
• In Touch: Kim's $400,000 wedding gift
• Weekly Life & Style: Kim's wedding album
  
  the ring, the dresses and that 7-foot cake
• Us Weekly: Kim's wedding
  
  fairy tale or fake?
  
  Inside her lavish $17 million I do's
• OK!: Kim's Fairy-tale wedding
• Star: Kim's wild wedding
  
  drunk stars and a shocking twist - only in Star

It's not surprising that Star would find a negative angle, but it is a little surprising that Us Weekly goes nasty, too. While I get the feeling there is some Kardashian backlash going on, the next logical step in the story is the pregnancy watch, and the gossip rags cannot help themselves when it comes to speculation about babies.



I don't think Kim is going away just yet. The rest of the Kardashian clan may be waning, but she has set herself up perfectly for the modern gossip industry.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Three headlines about Saturday's wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, OK!, Star

Date: 29 August 2011



We are less than 72 hours from the wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries this Saturday, August 20, and the wedding is the biggest story of the week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, with three magazine headlines and a fourth where she is part of a trio of soon to be brides. Here are the solo stories.

• Us Weekly: Kim's big day
  
  three wedding dresses
• OK!: exclusive interview complete coverage
  
  Kim weds!
  
  Gorgeous photos
  
  Touching gifts
  
  'Vera Wang made the perfect dress'
• Weekly Life & Style: Wedding of the year!
  
  All the romantic details
  
  two stunning Vera Wang gowns and a $15,000 cake
  
  Celebrating with 720 bottles of wine
  
  Kim in tears after Kris' touching promise
  
  Official interview: "Now I want babies!"

Notice that the magazines can't even agree on how many gowns there are, but they do agree that Vera Wang made them all. As for "Wedding of the Year!", there were six stories about Wills and Kate the Thursday before they got hitched, and I'm absolutely certain this wedding is not going to create a new tabloid person of interest like Pippa Middleton.



Still, this wedding has made weddings in general a big topic this week, and this blog wishes every happiness to all concerned.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Secret Kardashian wedding

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 22 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style says there's been a secret Kardashian wedding. The cover picture has Kim and her beau Kris Humphries, due to be wed in a lavish blow-out some time this month, and Kourtney, Scott Disick - the forgotten man of the Kardashian gossip machine - and the cute little tyke Mason.

Since Kim and Kris would elope only under pain of death and being fired from the family, we are left to assume Scott has finally made an honest woman of Kourtney.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Inside Kim's bridal shower.

Publication: OK!

Date: 15 August 2011



Only one Kardashian story in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week. It's not surprising that Kim is the focus and OK! is the gossip rag that is interested. Most of the rest of the supermarket magazines that would show an interest in this have been leaving it alone, and OK! calls many of their stories "exclusive". including this ten page spread with over 30 photos. Here are the headlines:

• Inside Kim's Bridal Shower
• Official coverage
• Kim invites OK! into her private celebration
• The lavish gifts, her fiance crashes the party, and the big surprise
• "I've never felt so loved"
  
  

Breaking news: Kim Kardashian wedding date set for August 20.

Publication: TMZ online

Date: 29 July 2011



TMZ publishes a picture of a wedding invitation for Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. The date is Saturday, August 20, three weeks from tomorrow. It says black tie.



We'll see soon enough if this is the real deal or not.