Demon Drugs Alert™: Whitney Houston goes berserk!

Publication: Globe
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Last year and early this year, if there was a story about Whitney Houston in the tabs, it was in the Enquirer. Ever since she lived through her expiration date, stories about her have been fobbed off onto the low rent Examiner and now to the Globe. Here are the headlines.

• Whitney Houston goes berserk!
• Is she back on drugs?
  

Demon Drugs and bun in the oven alert™: Amanda Knox heavy with child and hopped up on goofballs.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Two stories about the newly freed Amanda Knox, with the Enquirer being much meaner than the Star. Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: Amanda Knox drug deal exposed!
  What really happened on night of murder
  Plus her bombshell baby secret!
• Star: Exclusive!
  a baby for Amanda Knox

It's always fun to see the "Exclusive!" headline on a story other mags are also talking about.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Brad begs Angie to eat.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

We get another "friends fear" headline this week, this time about Angelina Jolie being addicted to diet pills and Brad trying to get her to eat. Once again, we get news of her being at a ridiculous weight, this time 93 lbs., the lowest number yet reported for her.

Demon Drugs Alert™: Willie's shocking new medical crisis… because of pot!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

If you want news about Willie Nelson, the low rent Examiner has been your only supermarket rag option this decade. They have written that he is dying, going to prison and helping save wild horses. Now they say he has a medical condition due to smoking marijuana, though they don't use the word "deadly" or "dying", so this does not rise to the level of tabloid death watch.

You don't hear much about people having health problems due to smoking marijuana, but as a non-doctor, I would say that if you do ANYTHING as much as Willie Nelson smokes pot, trouble is likely to arise.

Meanest story nominee: Sarah Palin cocaine scandal!

Publication: Globe

Date: 29 August 2011



The dogs in the AMI kennel seem to hate Sarah Palin, though I guess their "animosity" is largely due to having a bunch of sources coming out of the woodwork to blab about the former half-term governor. This week it's a cocaine scandal. She is supposed to be outraged about a bombshell report, and they show a picture of the place where she was seen snorting.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Getting the Teen Mom stuff out of the way for 22 August.

Publication: OK!

Date: 22 August 2011



I whine every time there's another Teen Mom story and not without cause. As of today, there have been more Teen Mom stories than there are about any other TV show I have a label for, with 39 since the beginning of the year, more than one a week.



This means more weeks with Teen Mom headline stories in 2011 so far than Kim Kardashian cover stories over the same time frame.



Pathetic on more levels than I can count.



In any case, there are pictures of Maci Bookout and Amber Portwood with the headline "Splits, drugs and money trouble".



I think I hate Teen Mom more than I hate Andrew Breitbart, but I'll admit the difference isn't great.

Demon Drugs Alert™: Brad Pitt caught in dirty drug den.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 15 August 2011

The Flagship went after both Justin Theroux and Brad Pitt as drug addicts this week. They claimed Theroux was addicted to coke and heroin, though they used the phrase "his dark past". Brad Pitt's situation is made to sound present tense. Here are the headlines.

• Brad caught in dirty drug den
• Angie's rage
• How he got busted

I admit sheepishly I opened the Enquirer this week looking at the story about Chaz Bono's life threatening problem, a 2,000 calorie a day diet to lose weight.

Not life threatening.

I also browsed the Brad Pitt story. He was caught smoking marijuana.

That doesn't impress me much either, in terms of scandalous behavior.

Stay classy, Enquirer.

Meanest story nominee: Justin Theroux's heroin and cocaine addiction!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 15 August 2011



Justin Theroux still isn't really famous by tabloid standards. He's still "Jen's Man" in the headlines, including this headline in the Enquirer this week about "his dark past" as a cocaine and heroin abuser. Looking online, I have seen no confirmation of this story anywhere.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Demon Drugs Alert™: Paula Abdul's new beau busted for heroin.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The Enquirer reports that Paula Abdul's new fella is a former heroin addict.

I looked online for his name. He's Jeff Bratton. He owns a record label. In my book, that makes him lower than a heroin addict, but that's just me.

Meanest story nominee: New tell-all book rips into Mister Tony Bennett.

Publication: Globe
Date: 25 July 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Mister Tony Bennett! The singer, painter and national treasure, who will turn 85 next month, has his name dragged through the mud by the Globe. They write about a new "tell-all book" that details Mister Bennett's ties to the mob, his drug use and cheating.

I have made a new label, Call Him Mister, especially for this story. Many ladies have gotten the "Call Her Miss" treatment on this blog, wonderful stars who have been around long enough they should be off limits to the garbage peddlers of the supermarket checkout rags. Mister Bennett is the first of his gender to get similar treatment here.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

I feel about Teen Mom the way Jan Brady felt about Marcia.

Publications: In Touch, OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Teen Mom nonsense abides. I report with no further comment.

• OK!: Maci & Kyle Split: She's still in loved with Ryan
• In Touch: Teen Mom dating disasters!
  In love with cheaters, druggies and a killer!
  Leah: Since Corey left, she's hooking up with three different guys!
  Farrah: Can't stop crying over new violent bad boy
  Maci: Wedding on hold! Why her ex Ryan is to blame