Breaking news (?): Why Jen's in tears.

Publication: OK!
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Yet another headline with the phrase "Breaking News!" this week, this time about Jennifer Aniston being in tears. Having seen the news in other places, she's doing publicity for Breast Cancer Awareness Month and she got misty eyed listening to the stories of survivors at a treatment center in Virginia.

By all means, women should have regular check-ups, because early detection is the most important tool we have in fighting this disease.

Bun in the oven alert™: New pictures prove Jen is pregnant!

Publication: OK!
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Jennifer Aniston is definitely a star of the gossip rags. As it is with BrAngelina, so has it come to pass with her. She doesn't actually have to do anything, she only has to exist and they will be glad to make up crap about her. This week it's OK!, the nicest of the gossip rags if not the most reliable, saying they have photographic proof she is heavy with child.

• bigger boobs
• telltale bump
• curvier booty!
• 'This is the happiest I've ever been!'
• PLUS Why Justin will be a great dad!
  

The story has already been denied.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: A ring for Jen!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Three different stories about Jennifer Aniston's alleged upcoming wedding this week, but only In Touch makes it the biggest story on the cover. Here are the headlines.

• Inside the romantic proposal
• A "unique" and "meaningful" ring
• She calls Justin her "soul mate"
• Finally! A long-time friend shares how they fell in love on the set!

Maybe it's just me, but seeing so many quotation marks around words makes it hard to take this story at face value.

Bells Aren't Ringing Alert™: Justin won't marry Jen!

Publication: Star
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There are three stories about Jennifer Aniston and her upcoming wedding, supposedly late this year in Mexico. Leave it to Star to put a turd in the punch bowl with a cover that says Justin's "pals" say he won't go through with it.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Jen's wedding in Mexico!

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! A lot of gossip stars make multiple appearances on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, with very different versions of their lives being told.

Let's start at the top with Jennifer Aniston. OK! says she's getting ready for a wedding in Mexico and the headline under her picture reads 'Brad won't ruin my big day'.

Her current beau is not named or is there a picture of him, so I run this picture of Jen and Brad from happier times.

Or from the time when he was a sluggard stoner couch potato and she was no help.

It all depends on who you talk to and when.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Angelina targets Jen's new man YET AGAIN.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Say what you will about the National Enquirer. I have probably said something worse. If they have a saving grace, it's that their stories are usually not just re-hashes of stuff that's already been printed elsewhere. Even when they cover the same material, they usually put a meaner spin on it. This week, they have Angelina Jolie trying to get between Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. Here are the headlines.

• Angie wants Jen's new man!
• Explosive fight after Angelina invites Justin to dinner & offers him movie role
• Jen rages: "Keep your hands off of him!"
  

This story is ten weeks old, first reported by In Touch. Not the Enquirer's best work by a long shot.

Annoying label bookkeeping for Jen and Brad and Angelina and Justin story of 3 Oct.

Link to the story above.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert: Angie plans to ruin Jen's wedding.

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 Sept. 2001

OK!, the most positive scandal rag if not the most reliable, doubles down on the cover story with two unsubstantiated rumors, the marriage plans of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, allegedly planning to wed in December, AND the wedding plans of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Of course, their take in the situation is that the witch Angelina is planning on getting married just to ruin Jennifer's wedding.

Best and worst dressed for 2011

Publication: People
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Here's a simple distinction between People, the nice and reliable gossip rag, and the National Enquirer, the mean and unreliable gossip rag. When People has a "best and worst" article, they put nice pictures on the cover. This time it's Kate Middleton, Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow, all looking elegant in nice dresses. The Enquirer usually goes with best and worst beach bodies, where everybody either looks like a beached whale or a skeleton.

Love Bird Alert™: Jen and Justin moving in.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, In Touch

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



People, the most reliable of the gossip rags, tells us Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are moving in together and Us Weekly concurs. In Touch and OK! (see story below) extend the story quite a bit. Here are the headlines.

• People: Jen & Justin moving in!
• Us Weekly: Inside Jen's new home
  
  
• In Touch: Inside Jen's beach wedding
  
  The dress, the vows, the surprise celebrity guest!
  
  And why Jen is calling marriage this time around "so much sweeter"
  
  Only in In Touch
  
  The new home where they'll raise the babies!

Best wishes to the happy couple.

OK! features Kim'n'Kris AND Jen and Justin on the cover in a compare and contrast.

Publication: OK!

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, combines two popular stories this week into a compare and contrast, with the real connection being that both Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston are moving into new homes. Here are the headlines.

• New homes for new babies!
  
  
• Who's homesick
• Who wants a bigger closet
• Who will have the best nursery

Of course, neither woman has yet confirmed a pregnancy, but that never stops OK!

Bun in the oven alert™: More stories about Jennifer Aniston's ovaries.

Publications: Us Weekly, Star, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! No set of unused ovaries have been the focus of more speculation than those of Jennifer Aniston over the past few years, and this week we get three more stories saying she is definitely pregnant. Looking online, I have not seen the denials of this particular round of rumors, but she did deny the rumors from earlier this month. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Jen's Baby Countdown
  
  she suddenly quit smoking and drinking
  
  Decorating a new home with Justin
  
  And now, weight gain and morning sickness
• Weekly Life & Style: Fertility doctor gives Jen the good news
  
  It's Twins!
  
  Her bump gets bigger
  
  World exclusive
• Star: First look!
  
  Jen's baby nursery

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Jen and Eva plan their weddings

Publication: OK!, Us Weekly

Date: 29 August 2011



The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are not being as obsessive about Kim Kardashian's wedding this weekend as they were about the Wills'N'Kate's big to-do, but there are a passel of stories about wedding that have just recently happened or are about to happen or are at least being rumored.



OK! says Jennifer Aniston is planning to get married and Us Weekly says Jen and Justin (Theroux) are talking marriage. Her reps say this is just a rumor.

OK! says Eva Longoria is planning to get married. Her reps say this is just a rumor.



As I have written before, OK! is the nicest of the gossip rags, but not the most reliable.

Justin's ex warns Jen!

Publication: In Touch

Date: 29 August 2011



Here's a fun fact. It's the obscure British playwright William Congreve (1670-1729) who wrote the line "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." This week's example of this well observed adage comes from Justin Theroux's ex. Here are the headlines.

• Hooked on Mr. Wrong
• His criminal past
• How he cruelly mocked Jen
• His ex: "He lied to my face!"
• "He'll never be faithful"
  
  
  
  

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: The Jen and Justin rumor mill goes nuts!

Publications: In Touch, Star, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash... on Wednesdays?!? Yeah, there a story being covered by four different supermarket rags and it's already being denied. Once again, it is about the not yet used uterus of America's Favorite Spinster, Jennifer Aniston.



Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Jen & Justin's Shotgun wedding!
  
  Pregnant already?
  
  A quickie beach ceremony, plans to raise their baby in NYC
  
  why friends fear Jen's moving too fast with a man she barely knows
• Weekly Life & Style: Jen & Justin: A wedding and a baby!
• Star: Jen makes it official
  
  Yes, I'm having a baby!
  
  Exclusive: Justin's family talks to Star
• Us Weekly: Trying for a baby
  
  Inside Jen's shocking decision to start a family with Justin - after just five months
  
  Says a pal, "She hasn't felt this way since Brad."
  
  

The website rumorfix.com talked to a representative of Ms. Aniston who called bullshit on the story. Just because the same thing is being said by four different supermarket rags in the same week does not make it true.

Love Bird Alert™: Jen and Justin's Hawaiian romance!

Publication: People
Date: 15 August 2011

Lots of stories about Jennifer Aniston and/or Justin Theroux this week. He isn't famous enough on his own yet, so he is still referred to as "Jen's man", when he is referred to at all.

People has the most pleasant story about their Hawaiian getaway.

Bun in the oven alert™?: Jen trying to get pregnant.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 15 August 2011

In Touch at least has a possibly true headline, saying Jennifer Aniston is trying to get pregnant instead of saying she is pregnant for sure.

Then again, if she's going for pregnancy this fast, is it any wonder she's a spinster?

Meanest story nominee: Justin Theroux's heroin and cocaine addiction!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 15 August 2011



Justin Theroux still isn't really famous by tabloid standards. He's still "Jen's Man" in the headlines, including this headline in the Enquirer this week about "his dark past" as a cocaine and heroin abuser. Looking online, I have seen no confirmation of this story anywhere.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Rich People are Rich: This week's Jen and Justin news.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two new stories about the Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux romance are in the supermarket rags this week, and they both point in the same positive direction. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Jen & Justin: $60 million mansion
• Star: Jen and Justin set the date (Exclusive)

I don't know if any of the stories can be trusted, but I do know with recent pictures, Justin has finally shaved off that ridiculous beard.

It may be his "deer in the headlights" look, but I'm going to have to get used to this. I imagine Jen feels the same.

Problems With Plastic Alert: Plastic surgery confessions!

Publication: Star
Date: 1 August 2011
(photo nicked for exposay.com, copyright Chris Hatcher)

Another grab bag of celebrities who have gone under the knife are presented on the cove of Star this week. There are a couple of "Guess Who?" pictures, but as you know, I don't play that. A lot of the women are older stars barely of any interest to the tabloids. For example, Linda Evans get mentioned for the first time in at least two years and Madonna and Lisa Rinna (pictured above) get mentioned for the first time in 2011. Suzanne Somers and Nicole Kidman are also mentioned, common names when plastic surgery is the topic.

If any name on the list counts as a surprise at all, they say that Jennifer Aniston, the youngest person on the list by several years, has been under the knife twice. Star has floated this story before.